Chibimagic's Weblog

20120203

Posted on: February 3, 2012

Starry-eyed, bright, hopeful, flittering from one obsession to the next, falling easily in like through hummingbird days. A quiet awkward boy in a coffee shop compliments her socks, and her heart lurches and trips against her ribs. Next time she’ll strike up a conversation. Next time, she thinks each time. At dinner with friends, she keeps glancing over at the man eating alone at the next table over. He isn’t attractive, she isn’t attracted to him, but the idea makes her hair dance on end – reaching out across the universe and making an unexpected connection. Two minds becoming one for the duration of a single meal. But she doesn’t.

Back home, sitting in her newly-empty bed, she counts her list. Fourteen. Tries to remember how each one ended. Turning each memory over in her head, slowly to examine it in the twinkling light. They’re hazy, but she’s glad for that. Cultivating the ability to forget lets one bear to live in this world. She wants to make a new list, some sort of tribute to each one, but really it’s just an excuse to think about the last boy. It’s always about the last boy. She allows herself one brief memory: yesterday (only yesterday?), lying with her head on his stomach, his signature clean scent wafting from him waves in the aftermath. Strange that she would first touch him so publically now.

In two weeks the last remnants of this will be gone. Those may have been the exact words said to her, 5 boys ago, when she called in the middle of the night, blubbering and hysterical. And, of course, it was true. It’s always true.

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